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Asian Dating Websites: Do the Inner Work Before You Write Your Online Profile

This is one article in a series of articles I’m writing for my clients which date on Asian dating websites, but it is useful for anyone who is dating online.

If you want a date, you will have to put yourself out there. If you are just looking at profiles and pictures, this will not bring you very far, and sending pre-formatted messages will not bring any dates, if your profile is not appealing.

Imagine: You send a ready-made message to a girl, what does she do? She looks at your profile, before she decides to react or not.

Now, you need to know what women are looking for.

A woman’s mind works differently than a man’s mind, and you probably already discovered that. Men often look at pictures, with each picture of a girl in bikini’s they think (or say) “oh, she’s cute!” – so that’s easy for the women, to play on that.

Women are totally different. They will first look at the picture: does he look friendly? Does he look clean and well-groomed? Does he look like he is a good communicator? Does he look trustworthy? They will look for anything which would disqualify you: so if your hair is greasy or your shirt isn’t spotless clean, they’ll see that and click you away, without even having looked at your text. When your photo looks good, they’ll read what you wrote, and the same applies here: They’ll try to find something, anything, to disqualify you. Remember, women often have much more choice than men have, and they are biologically differently set up, they are brain-wired in a different way. Women can only get one child per year, and maybe maximum 10 or 12 in their lifetime, while men can sire hundreds of babies if they want. For a woman it is much more important to find a reliable, caring, generous husband than for a man: a good-looking girl who will take care of his offspring is enough – stone-age speaking!

So, your text. First, you want to think of what women want from you. I am sure you have had relationships before – so have a good look from a distance at the women you have dated and you have been together with. What was it that made them angry or frustrated about you? Did they call you selfish, or workaholic, or…? Have a good look at the criticism they gave you, and turn that around in strong points. If your ex-es called you selfish, you might put in your profile something like “I know what I want and I can be pretty stubborn, so I need a woman who is independent”. A phrase I read somewhere and which says it all: “If you give me space I will come and stay with you, if you chase me, you will lose me.”

You see what I mean? Turn your “weak points” into strengths, so that you will not attract just any woman out there, but you will attract the woman who’s out there that is meant to be for you. The funny thing is, that if you are picky and distinct in what you want, women find that very attractive. And the chance that you get a reaction is much bigger than if you’re transmitting the message that you’re in for whatever relationship with whomever. Women want to be chosen, they want to feel special. if you put high standards, they love that. A woman wants a men with standards, not a man who will hook up with any girl who’s willing!

So, do some inner work. Evaluate your relationships, make a list of the criticism that you got, and turn that into strong points in your profile. Accept that you are who you are, don’t try to be different, because if you find a woman based on the wrong ideas, the relationship will not last – and honestly, most women feel that you’re not being sincere and honest and authentic. So, go and look for your authentic self there, and put that out in your profile, and you’ll see that you’ll suddenly get much more reactions – not only if you make the first move, but also women who will message you because your profile jumps out of the rest. Women browse profiles too, so, sit back, do your inner work, write your profile and see the results for yourself!