Dating 101: Five Rules For Effective Dating

Through research and personal experience I’ve learned that women have a lot of questions when it comes to dating. Everything from how do I know if a guy is interested in me, is it ever OK to ask a guy out and when is it time to have sex with a guy? Working in the relationship consulting field along with several interactions with individuals about relationships has led me to create Dating 101 – Getting back to basics when it comes to effective dating.

I believe somewhere along the way we’ve gotten off track in our dating relationships. The dating game has changed over the years. What happened to the days when a man was bold enough to approach a woman respectfully and tell her how honored he would be to know her name and be able to contact her in order to get to know her better?

Long gone are the days when guys were at our house to pick us up early for a date with flowers in hand or when guys would open doors for us and pull out our chair. What happened to the times when men did all the pursuing and women did the responding?

I think something happened after the women’s movement that gave women the boldness to just go after the man they wanted and not wait for him to come after her.

Ladies, we have to get back to basics!! We must first understand that men are hunters by nature. Their natural instinct is to go after what they want. This means you don’t have to go after him. If a man is interested in you he will let you know. All you have to do is make yourself approachable; which means to smile and look pretty.

Men are NOT shy; if they see someone they want they will approach them. To answer the age old question “Is it OK to ask a man out?” My personal opinion is NO; mainly because of what I just mentioned about guys being natural hunters. If you ask a guy out and he says yes, you never know if he was really into you. All you are telling him is that you are very interested in him which means he could probably get you to do anything he wants.

Rule #1: Do NOT ask a guy out! If a guy is interested in you, he will ask you out.

Another commonly asked question is “what can I do to get a guy I’m dating to commit to me?” The answer to that question is nothing. If a guy is not ready to commit, you can’t force him. You must choose to either stick it out for who knows how long or move on to someone who is ready for a serious relationship. Men know within the first six months of dating a woman whether he wants a serious relationship with her.

Rule #2: Do NOT spend years waiting for a guy to commit to you – cut your losses and move on.

The most popular question women want to know when dating a guy is “when do I know it’s time to have sex?” The answer to that question is; when he makes you his wife. When you give a man your body you are giving him your most prized possession. You are giving him your most valuable asset. The only man who deserves your most valuable asset is your husband. He is the only man who is willing to commit to you for the rest of your life.

Rule #3: NO sex before marriage!

Sex clouds your mind and your judgment. We as women tend to make the worse decisions after we give a guy our body. We make excuses for them mistreating or disrespecting us. We tend to make excuses for them not wanting to commit or for spending less time with us. When we see the red flags waving we dismiss them because we’ve bonded with them physically. When sex is not a factor we are able to think clearly and make rational decisions. When you’re dating someone and you learn that you are not compatible, if you haven’t had sex you can easily walk away.

Rule #4: Date with purpose, Date to find a mate.

Dating should be the time when you get to know the person you’re interested in. You should take the time to learn about the man’s character, personality, hobbies etc. Dating should be an elimination process where you take the time to learn about a person to see if you are compatible and learn if this person has the characteristics of the husband you desire. Dating should have a purpose, not just something done to pass time.

Rule #5: Do NOT compromise.

Do not compromise your body, your standards, or your sanity just to have a man in your life. Love yourself enough to not settle for anything less than the best. This rule will save you lots of heartache and pain.

I encourage you to give these five rules for effective dating a try, if what you’ve been doing isn’t working it’s time to try something new.

These rules can help you find the mate of your dreams! If they worked for me, I know they will work for you!!

-Clarissa N. Phillips